


Weak. Scared. Loved...

by Ourfandomcrazyuniverse



Category: StarKid Productions RPF, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid, tgwdlm - Fandom
Genre: Emma had an abusive father in thsi, F/M, Father figure hidgens, Hidgens and Emma father daughter angst gives me life for some reason, Just wanted to let y’all know first, Tbh feel like that makes sense with her and likely will explore this in other fics, a lot of sadness, abuse tw, drinking tw, implied self harm tw, mostly angst some comfort, not a feelgood fic at all bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 08:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21491002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ourfandomcrazyuniverse/pseuds/Ourfandomcrazyuniverse
Summary: An argument with Hidgens turns very sour and reminds Emma too much of dark times. Melissa and Paul try to help her
Relationships: Emma Perkins x Paul matthews, Emma Perkins/Paul Matthews, Henry Hidgens & Emma Perkins, Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins, father figure hidgens - Relationship, hidgens/emma, paul matthews x Emma perkins, paulkins
Comments: 13
Kudos: 57





	Weak. Scared. Loved...

“Hidgens, how could you!?”

“Now Emma, you know I was just trying to do what’s best for you.”

Emma had stormed over to his house enraged. She could only be told when she got home from work late at night where her phone was, and since she couldn’t be contacted it gave Paul a while to think over how he’d tell her what had happened to it. Or rather who. 

“You can’t just steal my phone! What the shit man?!” Emma slammed the door closed, throwing her shit on the floor and marching up to her professor who now shot up from his seat. Even though he towered over her she wasn’t at all intimidated, in fact she was the one sizing him up, her chin pointed as she stomped closer and looked up into his eyes.

She wouldn’t have thought Hidgens would have been so bad as to take her phone right out of her pocket when she fell asleep in his office, as he offered his couch to her and then completely deny if he knew where it might have gone when she woke. He’d had it just over a day!

Paul had used find my iPhone for Emma and with his tech skills saw those emails she didn’t send and those that were deleted, along with Hidgens recent behaviour the connection was easy to make.

She was severely pissed off. And she could show it.

“My phone, now!” She demanded, her voice loud but not screaming. Forceful. Hidgens slowly pulled it out his zipped up jacket pocket, and Emma snatched it out his hands without trying to touch him, even though he was about to place it in her own himself. But now that had been settled he could move on to why he’d done what he had.

Hidgens tried to put his hands on her shoulders “Emma. Now dear, if you’ll just lis-“

She quickly backed up a step, not pausing in their dialogue though. “Then you go through all my emails and pretend to be me and put me off the waiting list for my job?” Emma scoffed with a disappointed tone, and a hint of disgust on her face.

Hidgens tried to keep a sure compusure though. He was happy in his choice and would not back down. “You’re not joining peip Emma. It’s a horrible life choice.”

“Yeah but it’s _my_ choice!” Emma argued back, turning away from him to pull her face in anger.

Hidgens grabbed Emma’s shoulders this time, spinning her and forcing her to look at him. “Emma it’s suicide!” He shook her, and Emma was put off by that scary light in his eyes. “You wouldn’t listen to reason! I was hoping to delete the messages so you wouldn’t-“

“So I wouldn’t find out that you’d been lying to me?” Emma finished the sentence for him. She shoved his hands off her, pacing around the floor like she owned the place, and in a way she still felt like she did. It had been a home to her once. “Fuck dude, you know that’s totally illegal right? And if I told peip they’d probably shoot you dead on the spot.”

That had arisen something in him. Hidgens pointed his finger sharply towards her, clearly trying to reign in his anger. “Now you do not speak to me like that young lady!” He barked.

“Young lady? What is this the stone age?” Emma groaned in exasperation, a gargling noise coming form her throat along with it. “Fuck hidgens you’re not that old!”

Hidgens attmepted to turn away but Emma grabbed his elbow and yanked him to face her, keeping him in this argument. She still needed to let out all her anger upon him. “You’re so stupid if you thought I’d be okay with that!”

Hidgens eyes widnened in shock and anger. “You can’t say that to me!”

Emma balled her fists up and screamed louder than she ever had at him. “You’re not my dad!”

Hidgens felt his stomach drop. He was numb, his mouth opening on autopilot knowing he had to say something. Emma was waiting, with tear soaked eyes. So he let his emotions fuel him rather than being careful around his daughter like usual. “Well I sure as hell have been a lot better than your first one!” It turned into a yell towards the end.

He shouldn’t have brought that up. Emma trusted that he’d never remind her of her past like that, use it against her. That was too many old wounds bleeding out. And there was only one thing she could physically say.  
”Fuck you hidgens”

Emma heard the noise before she felt the pain. The sharp stinging, burning, that came from Hidgens hand, slapping her face with anger. He had struck her.

_Hidgens hurt her._

Hidgens hadn’t taken in what he’d done until Emma looked at him. Until she slowly lifted her face like it was weighed down and she looked at him with those big brown eyes, stained red and filled with abhorrent shock, horror, and the real trigger... fear.

The fear in his eyes he saw nearly every day when he first taught Emma. From when he spoke too loudly or accidentally touched her too quick. And now was aimed sharper at him than ever. Because this time, she was afraid of _him_.

Hidgens made the first noise. He tried to stammer out apologies. His first attempt he only got so far as repeating the first syllable of her name. “Em- Em... Em...” 

Emma was dead silent as she calmly walked to her things. 

“Emma...”

She grabbed her coat and tucked it under his arms.

“Emma... no...” It was hard to tell if he was begging her not to go or was in denial over what he’d done.

She threw her backpack over her shoulder.

“Emma _please..._”

When Emma took her first step towards the door Hidgens tried to follow. He got one foot before falling to his knees.

The only sound Emma made before she left, was the tiniest of whimpers. Just one. But then she managed to stay silent when she had reached the door handle. She flung it open and her compusure failed because she ran, out into the pouring rain, just to get away.

“Emma...” Hidgens knelt in his doorway. It all came out as a whisper. “I’m so sorry...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paul had been waiting nervously on the couch for over an hour now. Ever since he’d figured out what should should have been the simple answer to ‘what happened to Emma’s phone’, well the answer was clear, but it still made it hard for him to tell Emma.

Paul stood up as soon as he heard the door unlcoking. And his heart broke looking at her tear stained face. “Hey babe. How’d it-“

She cut him off with a loud and painful sob, one that sent a shiver through Paul’s body. She stood in place a moment longer before she brought herself to look at Paul, and as soon as she did she stumbled into his arms, Paul running to meet her there so she couldn’t fall. She was crying, panicked, wheezing, choking out sobs like she couldn’t breathe, her whole body shaking. Paul already presumed she’d be crying, but this was much worse than he thought.

Paul held her right to his chest, swaying side to side as he brought his hand to the back of her head comfortingly, feeling her tears and spit wet his shirt, though he didn’t mind, it just made him more concerned. He’d never seen her like this before. Emma let out another loud wail and it startled Paul into finding some words for her. “I’m sure whatever he said, he didn’t-“

“Hidgens hit me.”

Paul froze. His mind replayed the sentence, just to make sure he’d heard right and when he was sure he pulled his head back to try and look at her to see how bad she was hurt. She kept her face buried in his shirt. 

“D-Dad hit me...”

Paul loosesned his grip, fearing holding her too tight, and was as gentle as possible as he pulled back further. She kept her arms secure around Paul’s back, holding her hands and keeping her head pressed into Paul’s chest. Paul leant down and nuzzled the top of Emma’s head with his nose, silently pleading to see, pressing a small kiss on her scalp to promise it’d be okay. 

And Emma did trust Paul still, even if she was getting back into her wall building, slightly paranoid ways after that blast from the past. When she looked up Paul saw the shiny red marking on her left cheek, and he felt his blood boil. But he didn’t show that in front of Emma. Not one bit. Instead he hugged her once more, his affection all gentle, because there was no way he was letting her hurt any more today; because he loved her with all his heart. 

Which is why he didn’t take what she said next badly.

“P-Paul...”

He was silent to let her continue.

“I don’t think I can be here right now. I love you! I do! But... I think I just need some... some girl time? It sounds stupid but, guys are kinda scary right now. You’re not! You’re not scaring me I love you! Paul please don’t be mad- I love you! I’m not scared of you! Don’t hate me, please!”

Paul had to cut her off then, he tried to cut her off at the ‘mad’ bit, as if he could be mad at her for that, or show any slither of anger right now. But she grasped his cheeks stopping his words accidentally, looking deep into his eyes and standing as tall as she could, bringing his face down to hers to stare into his eyes. So he got her message.

He very tenderly rubbed her hands with the back of his fingers, signalling her it was okay to let go, so she did, shrinking back onto her feet and hanging her head. “Emma I’m not at all mad at you.” He watched as her head shot up and he gave the smallest of smiles, a bigger one not feeling right right now. “Not one bit. I’m _proud_ you could tell me what you needed.” Now Emma began crying again, but for a mixture of different reasons, but she kept her eyes on Paul, and he returned the favour. “I love you too, more than anything. I love you Emma.”

Emma’s lip wobbled at her vision got blurry from tears, and she only managed to get one word out to signal her want. “Couch!” 

Paul extended his hand and Emma took it, so he could lead her there especially as she screwed her eyes shut because the tears stung too much, but she trusted he’d lead her without letting her get hurt. She did trust him. And as soon as Paul was where Emma wanted she threw herself down on his lap, burying her face into his neck, in the darkness away from the world, where all she had was Paul’s warmth surrounding her, the smell of his cologne that was home, and his lips whispering loving things into her ear until her sobs quietened enough that she could actually hear his words.

Paul pulled the throwover over the both of them, reaching Emma’s shoulders, but seconds later Emma removed one hand from it’s tight grip on Paul’s skin, as she’d managed to slither through the buttons on his work shirt, and threw the blanket over their heads, cocooning both of them.

Once she had accustomed to the darkness, Paul nuzzling into her hair in a way that made her almost want to purr, if it wasn’t for the wheezing still stuck in her throat, she got out her phone, immediately turning the brightness down. It shocked Emma for a moment, since it was almost always on dark mode or on a way low brightness. Then she remembered Hidgens needed to always adjust the brightness on her screen due to his eyes to see properly. And Emma sobbed again, her body shivering on top of Paul’s. 

Paul quickly took the phone off her, turning down the brightness and going to the contact he knew she’d pick, extending the phone back to Emma.

Emma eyed it with caution, scared of being this vulnerable, except with Paul who’d seen her in most of her worst days, the only person who’d seen her worse being... She pushed the phone back “You text her.”

She was slightly surprised when Paul simply held it out to her again. He lightly pressed a kiss to her temple, enough he wouldn’t nudge her while doing so. “I think you should do it.” He didn’t finish why he thought she should be the one to but Emma understood. She grasped Paul’s hand as she took her phone from it, but kept her hand just laying on top of it, just to feel close to him, even though every inch of her body was on top of Paul’s. And in her other hand she held her phone and while it was shaking, started texting the woman she liked most.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

While they waited on the stairs to their house, Emma was curled up right next to Paul to shield herself from the cold, tired and emotional she was in an extremely vulnerable place right now.

“My ear hurts.” Emma whined. 

Paul kissed her cheekbone, besides her ear whilst rubbing her shoulder, no words needing to be said. 

At least it wasn’t ringing anymore.

Emma and Paul’s heads shot up as headlights turned the corner of their street, and both of them relaxed as they saw the familiar car parking in front of them. 

Emma ran down the stairs, not even letting her friend shut their car door before running them over with a hug, a grip so tight they couldn’t escape. Emma sighed, relieved, against her chest. “Hey Melissa.”

Melissa was quite surprised at the intensity of Emma’s hug, but from her message probably shouldn’t have been. She wrapped her arms around her in return, her cardigan curtaining them both off from the world, as she rested her cheek against Emma’s head. “Hey sweetie.”

Melissa shared a look with Paul, and looking up from under Melissa’s chin, Emma found Paul more alarming, being all tall and well built and of course, a man. Even though she knew he would and could never hurt her like that, she took comfort in the other girls arms now. Girls were generally less scary for Emma, they shouted less and had better tempers.

“Bye Emma, call me if you need anything, anything at all. I love you.”

Emma didn’t think Paul had been confrontational with another person in his life. “I love you too.” She smiled sheepishly at him, embarrassed she had to do this to feel safe but she knew Paul would want what’s best for her. “I’ll see you soon, okay?” Emma was going to finish that with ‘tomorrow’ but she didn’t want the stress of holding to that. And more than anything, she had no idea when she’d next see Paul. She may be 10 minutes in Melissa’s car and decide she needs him again, or she may wake up tomorrow and still just wanna stay with Mel. But she’d see Paul soon.

Emma curled into the passenger seat, watching her home leave though the window and remaining mostly silent as she let the orange lamplights wash over her, it was calming in a way. Much like Melissa. Emma turned her head from resting on the window to facing her friend. “I like your driving.” She piped up, surprised at the croakiness of her voice, she’d been getting herself worked up while alone with her thoughts. But she quickly jumped in to try and hide that fact by explaining “Because everyone complains you’re a slow driver and overly cautious and shit. But I like that... I prefer it.” They were less likely to crash if they was overly safe. No one else seemed to get that, they were just all in a hurry to get places.

“Aw, thanks Emma. That’s kind of you to say.” Melissa smiled in her seat but kept her eyes on the road the entire time. She was a good driver, but she took being behind the wheel very seriously, much like she did with lots of aspects of her life, work, softball- she cared.

When they got to Melissa’s apartment she swung open her door, clicking on the soft fairy lights and attempting to take Emma’s bag and place it in her room, just like she did with Mr. Davidson’s briefcase at work. But she jumped back as Emma jumped first, clutching her bag to her chest with wide eyes. Melissa quickly realised her mistake. And she felt terrible. “Ah. S-Sorry, you can just dump it anywhere if you want.” She shrugged as if it didn’t really matter, watching Emma’s shoulders like a hawk as they slowly fell as she got less tense. 

Emma herself felt a little bad for jumping so easily, but she didn’t want more of her property taken off her. Not that she didn’t trust Melissa, but there was a lot of fight or flight instinct and rituals from the past that were coming up right now. Emma shook her head at herself “Sorry, ‘m just acting dumb.” She mumbled, throwing her bag in the corner and collapsing on Melissa’s bed, closing her eyes for just a second. But then she felt like she had eyes on her. It wasn’t Melissa, Melissa was locking the door for Emma’s benefit, in fact Emma felt much better having a person with her tonight, but that paranoia of feeling like you’re being watched, like someone was going to attack when you’re most vulnerable, it was embedded deep into her core again.

She slowly rose back into a sitting position, letting her legs dangle from the edge of the bed but keeping her grip firm on the quilt incase a monster under the bed grabbed her foot or some shit.

“Would you like me to get Bowser out?”

It took Emma a second to process what Melissa was saying, but when she looked to her eager eyes for confirmation, she spotted the habitat behind her and remembered about Melissa’s roommate. Emma laughed softly. “Hell yeah, I love your tortoise Mel.”

Melissa seemed very pleased with that, and brought him out, one hand cupping the bottom of his shell, the other the top, setting him on the floor very carefully, before going to join Emma on the bed. Emma extended her hand as soon as she saw her heading that way, and Melissa grabbed it on instinct. Emma kept squeezing every so often just to check she was still there. Both girls moved onto their stomachs, to watch Bowser better as he roamed Melissa’s carpet.

But having nothing to distract her brain her mind went back to the actual issue at hand, it being too recent for her to shove deep down in her feelings and try and forget, so the tears started again. And this time Emma knew they wouldn’t stop for a long while.

Melissa jumped into action, sitting up and Emma moved herself to lay her head in her lap, clutching the end of Melissa’s skirt until her hand hurt, as she choked out sobs.

Melissa used one hand to draw patterns on Emma’s back with her fingers, her other scratching Emma’s head, swapping between that and playing with her hair, normally drawing through the strands and trying to stop a headache from coming on in her friend, even as her legs got wet with her tears.

Even though being around any man was pretty scary right now, part of Emma still wanted Paul. “I love him.” Emma spoke without meaning to, and in trying to fix it she started her vent. “Paul. I love Paul so, so much.” She stressed her ‘so’s’ by elongating them. “And I know Paul would never hurt me.” She continued. “He’s probably the only man who wouldn’t...” There was one other man Emma had had on that list, but now her whole trust in her judgement had been shattered by the man who once protected her from people doing just that. “I guess he really was just like my dad huh?..”

Emma took Melissa’s sudden halted breath as a hint that she hadn’t yet told Melissa why she never visited her parents, and why Hidgens was more of the dad figure in her life. Emma sniffed as she thought deeper “Why did I pick someone like him?.. Am I that stupid? Did I want to get hurt?! Am I-“

“Ssh ssh. No negative stuff about yourself today hun.” Melissa gently coaxed, brushing Emma’s hair behind her ear to get her to listen well. She leaned in close to her ear to keep that point. “You’re here because you’re my friend and I love you, other people have done bad to you and I’m not gonna let you suffer through it.” When Melissa pulled back Emma’s face was watching hers with an expression she didn’t quite understand. Then a startled “Ooh!” Flew from her lips as Emma threw her arms around the other girls neck and as Melissa straightened up from reflex, Emma was brought into a sitting position too, one knee resting on Melissa’s lap. Melissa then decided to just wrap her arms around Emma shoulders instead.

Emma buried her face into Melissa’s chest, her arms still loosely hanging from her neck as Melissa steadied her back.

“I thought Hidgen’s’d be different. He knew about my dad... he was the first one to know...”

Melissa didn’t know until now. And from what Emma told her over text, she could put the pieces together well enough. And her heart ached for her friend. “Oh Emma. I’m so sorry.” Seeing her usually tough friend so... so in need, so heart broken, it was frightening to Melissa. But she wasn’t filled with rage towards the men who’d done this, her whole attention was on Emma, and being there for her. That was another reason Emma picked Melissa, she didn’t have an aggressive bone in her body.

That’s a reason Emma liked Melissa in general too. But there were only two people she could ever safely say she loved. And Emma needed to tell Melissa about the one she no longer could love. “I loved him. I loved him he was a father to me, more than my actual one ever was, he saved me, he gave me a home, he treated me good...” But as Emma recounted all the selfless stuff Hidgens had done for her, she started hating the thought that he was just a monster, that she’d never see who she once thought was her hero, ever again. Because of an argument that... yeah it was probably her fault. Most were. She was stubborn. But she didn’t want to push him away! 

_She was being a selfish brat after all he’d done for her._

She couldn’t bare him hating her!! She-... “Maybe we can work things out!..” She vocalised to Melissa.

Melissa looked horrified.

Emma didn’t see. “Maybe I should apologise...”

“Emma no!” It stared out shocked but turned into a firm tone as Melissa composed herself. She scrambled to grab Emma’s wrists- “Listen” -tugging her very lightly to get her to pay attention. “There’s no excuse for physical abuse.” She began. She was put off by the groan Emma let escape, but lightly tugged more, grasping onto her forearms instead until Emma looked at her again. “You might have wanted to go back to your dad the first few days, but aren’t you much better of for not being in that toxic environment?” From Emma’s look Melissa knew she was right.

But she also saw the pain in Emma’s eyes. The longing. And Melissa didn’t think she was very strong herself, which is why she tried to compromise, even if it was just to stop Emma feeling like no one would listen to her right now. She sighed. “Look. If in a while he can apologise fully and prove himself to you...” She screwed her face up in anguish, but she wanted to give Emma hope. “We’ll talk with Paul about it too.” She jumped to the next part. “We’re not letting you get hurt again, but maybe you can see him again one day, only if you want to, only when he’s good enough for you.”

Emma didn’t respond to what Melissa had proposed. It was something she knew she had to decide for herself and that it would take a lot of thinking, way more than she was capable of doing tonight. So pushing that back on her mental to do list, she sighed. She let herself fall back into Melissa’s chest. “Maybe I’m just not meant for parental love.”

Melissa didn’t like that idea. Everyone needed to be loved, she didn’t know anything about Emma’s mother, but did know one thing in her upset-for-her-friend state. “Men are cocks.”

Emma laughed into Melissa’s blouse. She could talk shit though if she wanted to help out. Emma looked down at the ground and lifted her head with a small smile. “Except Bowser.”

Both the girls turned to watch the tortoise go, happily crawling around his mom’s room.

“Except Bowser.” Melissa repeated quietly. Happy her tortoise was bringing joy to mroe than just her. He was a good boy.

“And Paul...”

Melissa swivelled her head as Emma piped up, her eyes flicking down to Emma’s hands that she was wringing intensely. 

“He’d never hurt me...”

Melissa looked out to her wall, seeing the photos stuck to strings next to her fairy lights, half of them that were with people included Paul. He was one of her best friends, and looking at that goofy awkward smile, except on the ones where he was looking at Emma, where it was more adoring than anything, she knew Emma was right. She would never suspect him of being able to be that foul, just as much as she’d always known Paul to be a good man. “No he wouldn’t. I literally couldn’t even imagine it in my worst nightmares.” 

Shaking her head of the mental image her brain was teasing her with, she slowly took Emma’s hands in her own to stop her scraping her skin off with how hard she was handling them. Emma watched as Melissa very gently rubbed over them. The red marks where Emma had raked her nails nervously Melissa was soothing with her cold fingertips. And God her hands were soft. Tiredly, Emma rested her head against Melissa again, this time her shoulder, chin tilted down to watch Bowser as she listened.

“But if something like this does happen again you know you can call me.”

Yeah Emma knew that, but she didn’t know if she was brave enough to.

“Emma I’m so so proud of you for asking for help.”

Emma’s whole body shivered. That was a phrase she was all too starved of hearing, and because of that one of the most important phrases she could ever hear. Something that she could never take a negative spin on, no matter how dark a place her mind was in. Those words were the highest form of praise Emma could think of, and they meant everything to her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was an hour later and Emma was in her pyjamas Paul had packed for her while she wore herself out crying. She wasn’t ready for bed yet but just wanted to wear something comfy, and Melissa joined her in her pyjama look. But Emma’s heart ached. She took the stuffed cat Paul got for Melissa’s 21st birthday and held it close to her chest, needing something to squeeze and hoping it still had some reminder of Paul on its fur. But when she pressed it to her face it smelt fully of Melissa’s room spray and sleep. A comforting smell but not the one she wanted. Not who’s she needed. 

“I want to call Paul.” Emma moaned, reaching her hand out to pull the covers back, but freaked out when she couldn’t find what she needed to do that there. “Where’s my phone?!” Her voice broke as she started throwing things to the ground in her panic. “Where’s my phone?! Wher-?!”

“Em, Emma it’s right here!” Melissa quickly grabbed it from her desk and passed it to Emma with a smile. “So you found it then.”

“That’s how this whole thing started.” Emma responded, holding it close to her chest as breathing deeply just once. Then she quickly opened it, typing in her password wrong a few times frustratingly, before getting to the contact she needed and pressing the call button.

Melissa watched confused but only after two rings Paul’s face appeared on the phone as he picked up Emma’s FaceTime call.

“Em? Em baby’re you okay?”

Emma laughed to herself, her eyes wetting for a reason she didn’t understand, as Paul’s eyes squinted from the bright screen.

Melissa politely looked away as she got a flash of Paul’s bare chest from under his covers. As well as feeling she may be intruding on their conversation.

But Emma seemed quite happy with the situation. “Yeah, yeah Paul I’m fine. I’m alright.” Her smile dropped as she remembered why Paul was asking, and asking so seriously, but she couldn’t help but feel her cheeks widen in a smile as Paul spoke so slurred and tired.

“Where’s uh?.. Where’s Mel?” He asked confused.

Melissa made a noise to try and alert him to her presence but Emma surprisingly reached out and took her hand, but very gently entwined her fingers and pulled her back to her own bed, to sit with her. “Don’t worry. She’s here. She’s stayed with me this whole time.”

“Hiya Paul.” She greeted quietly.

Paul gave her a quick thank you before Emma unclsasped her chain on Melissa and brought her phone and thus Paul’s face closer to her own. 

“Paul? Paul baby.”

Paul already could tell she was bad since she very rarely called him that, only when she was really hurt, or scared for him. 

“I miss you so much. Babe I just wanted to hear your voice and see your face again. I love you. I love you! I really really love you and I wanna be with you soon more than anything!”

Melissa watched from the edge of her bed entranced by the pure love her two best friends held for each other.

“Oh Em, honey, I love you too. I love you so so much it’s pretty unbelievable.” He smiled but then as he opened his mouth for a laugh it turned into a yawn. Emma giggled herself, catching a stray tear on her lips as her mouth opened. She quickly brushed the back of her hand over her cheeks before poking the phone teasingly. “Yeah? Well why are you yawning then?”

Paul, in his tired and love induced state, pouted his lips just as teasingly and got close to the phones camera. “Because you called me at 2:40am and I was up at 5 this morning.”

“I’m sorry.”

Paul and Melissa both shot their eyes towards Emma worriedly, but saw she kept that smile on her face, like she wasn’t really sorry at all. Melissa exhaled happily, before busying herself with finally putting Bowser back in his enclosure. Paul shuffled under his covers to get himself into a comfier position. “Don’t be. I’ll stay on this call all night if you want me to. You can call me again in half an hour just to hear me say hello then hang up, you can call me every hour on the dot through the night and I promise you I’ll answer. I love you Emma Perkins.”

That was too much for Emma. She really had no idea how to respond. But at least she was somewhat happy now. She couldn’t truly be tonight, not after what had happened, but there was one spark in her life. The spark to which all she could respond to was “I love you.”

Paul smacked his lips together tiredly, but his eyes were wide awake. “I love you too.”

Emma smiled, satisfied. “Okay, bye.” And she quickly hung up. She was a flurry of emotions but at least there was a good one there. Emma watched as Melissa closed the door to her pets habitat and when she was done Emma attacked her with a hug from behind.

Melissa screamed as her arms were trapped to her body, turning into an excited squeal as she realised who it was, and that they didn’t realise they were tickling her hips. And Emma with a shitty leg and being much smaller than Melissa, used her stumble as an excuse to pull Melissa into the bed, both girls falling hard onto the mattress but softly laughing after they did so. 

When they’d calmed Melissa stroked her finger through a loose strand of Emma’s hair to re-tuck it again, before asking once more for the night. “How‘re you feeling?”

Emma shook her head, her eyes falling closed because she didn’t want to face what she was saying. She wasn’t the best with words, or emotions, or expressing emotions with words. But she tried. “I’m feeling sad, lost, hurt. Guilty, betrayed, stupid, angry... Weak. Scared... Loved.”

~~~~~~~~

It had only just turned 3 when Paul’s phone buzzed again. He smiled, opening his eyes to grab it, his heart sinking when he saw it wasn’t a FaceTime call though, and worse when he saw it wasn’t Emma who was calling him. It was the person he least wanted to speak to right now. But even though that was true Paul found himself pressing the answer button, bringing the speaker up to his ears, and asking through gritted teeth “What do you want Hidgens?”

“Paul! You answered...”

Paul could perfectly hear the drunken slur to his voice and slammed the end call button. He wasn’t gonna waste his time. But no sooner than he put the phone down did Hidgens ring again. He declined the call. Two seconds later he called again and this time Paul let it go, let Hidgens think he’d fallen asleep or something. But as soon as the call gave out another call began. He would not stop and never took a break between calls. Paul was definitely getting annoyed, but then he remembered Emma. What if she wanted to call him? What if she needed him and she couldn’t get to him?

So for Emma, Paul answered again. “Make it quick.” He snapped, inhaling quickly to try and reign himself in, he wasn’t an angry man, but Hidgens had hurt Emma and he couldn’t think of anything worse. Especially since he knew how much he had meant to her.

“Is Emma with you?”

Paul grimaced at the question, sitting up straight, he wouldn’t be sleeping after this anyway. “Nope.” He simply replied. Hidgens sharp breathing on the other end was slightly disconcerting, Paul quickly remembered a lot of the medical info Emma had told him about Hidgens, but there’d never been a problem with his lungs.

Hidgens was freaking out. “But what if she didn’t get back safe?!” Paul she was mad! She was mad and upset and ran off and it’s collld. It’s so dark and cold and she’s tiny and-“

Paul had to step in somewhere, he cut him off with stuttering until he was louder than the other voice. “You don’t have to worry. She’s safe... now.” He let that meaning hang in the air for him.

Paul heard Hidgens’ breath slow. “Good. Th-that’s good that’s all I want. All I want for her...” by the swooshing sounds next to the receiver as Hidgens stopped talking it was clear he was still drinking. But another sound alarmed Paul more, the sound of running water.

“Hidgens what are you doing?..”

“...Running a bath.”

Paul shot out of bed, pacing around his floor now. “Hidgens stop! Okay, you’re drunk as hell, you’re not getting in that water.” Paul told him, eyeing his shoes while he tried to make a decision.

“Mm. There’s other things I can do anyway.” Hidgens droned off. Paul wasn’t certain on what his implications were but he had a gut feeling that it wasn’t good. He ran to get his shoes, swearing at himself under his breath.

“I’m a terrible, horrible, evil man. I’m bad bad bad. I- I’ve lost her Paul.” 

Paul threw a hoddie over his head and ran to his car. “Hidgens?” He made sure he was still listening as he started the ignition. “You’re drunk, okay. I’m coming over right now and you’re still gonna be there.”

“Yes. Yes I deserve it.” Paul heard Hidgens mutter on the other end, he didn’t know if he was talking about what Paul feared, talking about Paul coming over and thinking he was going to hurt him, if Hidgens was trying to bait or guilt him, or just not making any sense at all. Paul hated Hidgens now. But he wouldn’t let him get badly injured. He wouldn’t let Emma get hurt more.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Emma woke it was still kind of dark outside, the sun just beginning to rise. She blamed herself being used to opening shifts at a coffee shop and a pretty restless night. Well it probably only accumulated to a few hours, but she’d had worse. As she woke more she felt the arm over her chest, and her own hand squished against someone’s own chest, judging by the falling and rising. Emma peeked open her eye and saw Melissa sound asleep next to her. She hadn’t even taken her glasses off yet. Emma tried to smile at her but found she couldn’t. Then she remembered why she was at Melissa’s and it made sense as to why smiling wasn’t so easy.

Trying to be as sneaky as possible, Emma freed her hand, and even though it shook with pins and needles, she managed to slip the girls glasses off her and place them on her bedside table. She found getting out of her friends embrace was a little harder, but she’d been sleeping next to Paul for a long time, so she was basically a pro at this thanks to his unconscious clinginess. And when she was free she knew exactly what she wanted to do. She took her phone and tiptoed out of Melissa’s bedroom, very quietly closing the door behind her. Happy to make herself at home with someone she was genuinely comfortable with, she threw herself onto Melissa’s couch and wrapped the blanket she stole around her, going to her recents and FaceTiming Paul. He said he’d get up.

Which is why Emma gave a confused look to her phone screen when Paul didn’t answer. And then the panic set in.

But only for a second, because her phone quickly buzzed and she sighed relieved, he must have been sleepy and just missed the call. But that old suspicion crawled inside her as he called, not FaceTiming. 

“Hey baby. How are you?” He said quietly. It was more than an I-just-woke-up being quiet though. It was the volume she was speaking in to not wake Melissa, like he would wake someone.

“Why didn’t you FaceTime me?” She asked worried, she heard the rhythm of Paul’s breaths on his end and could tell it was his nervous breathing. Emma started some nervous brethaung of her own. “Paul you promised.”

“I know. I know hun. I just... aaah.”

She knew he wouldn’t lie to her, she hated that shit, so she was glad she could trust him. But she knew he liked to protect her too and hated breaking bad news to her, like yesterday. There was only one reason Emma could think of for Paul to not FaceTime her, and she knew he’d be honest if she asked. So she waited to confirm her suspicions. “Paul, where are you?”

Paul sighed on the other end before- “I’m at Hidgens.”

Emma collapsed off the sofa, curling into a ball on the floor as she pressed the phone painfully hard to her ear. “No...”

“Emma please lis-“

“Why would you be _there?_” She didn’t understand what this meant. Why would he be with _him?_ Why?-

“Emma sweetheart! I only came over because I was worried he’d seriously hurt himself.” Paul rushed to explain in an attempt to calm her, especially if she decided to hang up and distrust him. But that meant he couldn’t carefully choose his words.

Emma felt sick. Truly, like she was about to throw up, her hands gripping her stomach violently. “Because of me?”

She heard how her voice stopped half way through, that she couldn’t physically say the words, but by Paul’s frantic cooing she could tell he understood. She let her head hit the floor too.

“No! God no Em. This is not your fault at all!” Paul hurried to reconvey. He heard Hidgens turning unconscious in bed and he walked further away, even looking out for him he couldn’t bear him. All he needed to hear was Emma, especially with her voice so small.

“Promise?” Emma didn’t think it _wasn’t_ her fault, although she didn’t fully believe it _was_ her fault, her own head spinning with the self-blame and anger towards the other, but she just needed Paul to say it and she could start to believe.

“Promise.” Paul repeated confidently. Emma could sit up again now, assured that everything was okay, she hadn’t done anything wrong. 

“Now I’m here for you, not him, so I called around and Ted’s gonna come make sure he not a risk to anyone or himself. And if it gets bad Ted has the numbers to call for emergencies.” Paul listed, sounding a lot more in control than he felt, for Emma’s benefit. And he hoped that even if she didn’t think he was that strong, she’d want to believe it enough that she would.

But Emma had full faith in one person in this world, and she was too far away from him at the moment. “So you’re free now?”

She heard Paul stepping on the gravel that she knew was from Hidgens lawn. 

“Yeah. Ted just pulled up. I’m gonna take a shower and then I’ll be myself again.”

Emma was happy with that. She didn’t want Paul to smell of alcohol or Hidgens. She wanted her Paul. “So can I come see you?” She bit her tongue after, scared he’d say no because she was gonna need a while to get that self-image back, the thought that she was worth any love.

“Of course!” Paul responded happily, trying to hide his gobsmackedness at the fact she had to ask. “Are you staying home?” He asked, understanding if she needed more time but wanting to know what this was and if he could bundle her into his arms again when he saw her.

“Yeah.” Emma responded. Wanting to hug him back more than anything. “I wanna be with you. I wanna be home.”

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry for sadness but hope you enjoyed and as always please please leave a comment! Thanks for reading 💕


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